Part 12: Inquiry

I have delved so deeply into seeking discoveries of why we live in the various ways of going after achievement. What I am addressing here is not necessarily the nature of all that appears to be innate aptitude for one’s specialized aspect of human intellect or another. What I have come to honor as a humble student, is the study and analysis of who we are, and the passions, interests and aptitudes that we possess as a complex study within realms of ontology and expanded consciousness beyond a particular incarnated life. I have lived as an “over-achiever” most of my life until very recently when music began to be an expressive entity of its own. The more I implement “getting out of my own way”, the more beauty as flowing emotion comes sailing out of me in the form of melody, harmony, rhythm and overall deeply satisfying musicality. For too many painful years and decades, I have lived my life from within the prison of being shackled to my own devastating thoughts and emotions of having to prove my existence as worthy to my immediate family. This is a disease that has full potential to operate at full speed running into a demise by way of severe physical and or mental illness. In actuality, I generally interpret physical symptoms as just that - symptomatic of deeply embedded emotional causation. In my case, physical devastation came in the way of severe, extremely dangerous and painful chronic fatigue syndrome. I know definitively that this physical condition was merely an inextricable mirror image of my trauma-based, self induced emotional exhaustion.