Part 2: Disillusions and Self Reconciling

As living the life more and more as a renunciant of material possessions, a growing disillusionment of conventional life was building within me. Desiring objects and belongings, for a home, a car, various insurance policies and the overall nature of what we consider worth working for became less and less important to me. In fact, the more I meditated and focused on my studies, the more I really saw the nature of impermanence. Not only impermanent, but aspects of the way in which we construct our lives based on all that we have been taught. I was questioning the methods of our being persuaded as to what is meaningful and necessary for one’s feelings of fulfillment. These “persuasions” were very secondary compared to the beginnings of my awakenings on the path of realizing that the most damage that has been done to nearly all of humanity, is our multi millennium history of systematic “forgetting” of that which we are as an essence of existence. 

Pertaining to a chosen life as a renunciant of material possessions, it is important to share that I am by no means saying that I do not enjoy wealth and all the comforts that money can buy. Quite the contrary, I do enjoy my comforts. What was shifting deep within me was questioning what it would take for me to be comfortable and more than anything, have happiness if not a life of joy! I cannot say in any way that my life was sustaining joy for any amount of time beyond perhaps some momentary interactions. But then the joy would be gone. I wondered what it would be like to actually be a living embodiment of a joyful existence. Surely, should there emerge great fruits of my labor, then wonderful! However, bringing forth a material existence that appeared to be “out there” was not my primary focus. It was the nature of creating an inner world and infinity of wealth and joy that was the primary journey. This actually became what would be more accurately defined as, an adventure!