Part 3: Deeper Inquiry

By way of all this introspection and inquiry into the nature of self, there did not exist the sense that joy is dependent on any “external” stimulus of our collective consciousness as a perceived material world. I will up the ante here with the quest for experiencing some level of sustained ecstatic moments! I was not subjectively embodying this beyond the peak moment experiences I was having within meditation. One day as I was coming out of the nearby food store after a long nearly three hour sit in meditation (prior to my visit to the food store), my thoughts were now focused on understanding why for instance the Tibetan monks meditate for hours and hours on end throughout their day. If my three hour session’s sense of joy and peak moment ecstasy seems to fade after and hour or two, then it is clear that to maintain this type of mindset in the way of mood and temperament would require an ongoing mental state of a meditative mind. Now certainly and in ways of self-nurturing, it goes without saying that surely I was achieving great strides by the conviction, dedication and devotion of my heart’s intent. This is true and the sitting in stillness and quiet was having profound affects and outcomes in expansive ways considering where I had come from as a diagnosable complex post traumatic stress disorder. Even being raised by such honorable and responsible parents did not mean that my brother and I escaped dysfunctions of my family’s cognitive and emotional environment. Even ten minutes of meditation for one that is dabbling in first experimentations, brings very measurable leaps in all the benefits of meditation. My point was extreme. Inquisitiveness and seeking of the possibilities of living in joy, and just plain being happy with myself coming to know what it is to be in loving relationship with, in and as, "Me", was paramount!  

From my first spring day on Liberty Place, there was the unfolding of what came to be recognized as events that where not of a usual nature from the way things had been in my past. I began to see the meeting of people and the web of relationships that we develop, as something so essentially integral to our emotional and spiritual growth in this life. A web of connecting dots emerged in such clarity that I could not see life in any way but how we serve and function as mutually interdependent “spirit guides”(so to speak) for one another within this journey. We are navigating an energy field that sort of tricks us by way of the neurobiological lattice encasement of consciousness that we are. I was seeing interconnectedness everywhere. Also was the phenomenon of having every aspect of all that we require at any given point in time, emerge for all our needs. I was coming into awareness of such a profound sense of trust and how being void of doubt and trepidation clears the way for our most natural flow of happiness as mental, emotional and physical well-being. I could not help but to think of this as magical. It was so unlike what had been the mechanisms of life in years (and decades) prior.