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We are quite certain that most people alive today have experienced the feelings of “What if....?”
“What if I would have done this, or that?” “Maybe he or she would have survived”; and other scenarios. Oh, the remorse, the second guessing, the self blaming! It can make you feel horrible, dreadful and even desperate. And it can potentially paralyze you within your grief. Through the events of Craig’s illness, suffering and death, JoAnn felt utterly powerless. She desperately wanted and needed to save him. As his mother, his death felt like the ultimate failure. JoAnn’s intense love for him alone was simply not enough to heal her precious little Craig and prevent his death. These powerful thoughts and emotions wreaked havoc in her psyche and shook her to the core. The question of her own survival was at the forefront of JoAnn’s awareness.
These horrible feelings welcomely began to dissipate when she finally knew that she needed to choose to turn her heart toward returning to a state of gratitude. JoAnn found herself seeing and deeply embracing what was left in her life.... all that was still beautiful in her shattered world. Two surviving sons, with hearts as broken as hers, were there for JoAnn, alive, in all of their splendor and uniqueness. They jolted and energized her spirit, filling her being with immense love and joy just at the sight of them. She still needed to be a mother to them and they still needed to be her children.
What happened, happened. JoAnn embraced acceptance. There was no way to change any of it. She had to learn to be compassionate with herself. She had to learn to be kind to herself. She had to learn to forgive herself for whatever she felt she could have done differently or better. JoAnn had to learn to honor herself for the indescribable love that she always held in her mother’s heart and often expressed to Craig. She continues to honor herself for her profound love for him that continues to grow in happy, inexplicable ways with each passing day.
So, we lovingly ask of you: please, please be kind to yourself. You are so loved. You are so needed. Your life is so vitally important, not only to you, but to so many other people!